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And she smiled. That knowing smilereserved for those who know all. One look at me in that state and she had mepegged. And the smile was to let me know that she did. I know I blushed, Icould feel it in my ears. I was caught!She turned and looked at the display"You like it? It would probably fit." My blush got deeper. I was probablypurple by now. "Come on we both know who those are for" she said pointing atthe packet in my hand. "Come lets ring you up, and I want to talk, okay?" Whatcould I say, I followed her to the counter.Once at the front I leaned over the counter and avoiding her gaze put thepackage down."No, stand up strait, let me look at you." It was almost an order. I did astold and after a glance at my chest she looked directly into my eyes. Oh, thatlook said so much. I sighed, she giggled."You do this a lot?" she asked."Only when I can. I'm visiting the city alone, away from family, just a littlethrill to pass the time." I replied."And those?" she asked. I don't find them interesting ... except for Susan.Susan!Susan is... ?... ?Interesting.For the life of me I don't know what's interesting about a middle-class white woman in suburban America.It's not guilt. I just worked that out. I think it's shame; and that burns so much hotter than guilt. If it was just the incident at the kindergarten barbecue, then maybe it would be guilt. Maybe I could deal with that more easily. Heck, maybe I would have forgotten about it by now. Forgotten about her by now.It was the dream; that's what feels shameful ... even though it shouldn't. Nothing that feels that good should feel shameful. If only 'good' was all it felt; but it felt right, too.Shit, I've been at this for over an hour now and I've gotten exactly nowhere. Are you still reading, Nick? Are you bored yet? Confused? Disgusted? How could you be; I haven't actually said anything; not anything of substance. Is there even anything substantive to tell? There must be; I can still feel it inside me..
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